You might be a nigger if...

IF YOU USE MOP AND GLOW AS LIPSTICK
IF YOU LIVE IN A CARDBOARD BOX BUT DRIVE A BMW
IF NOTHING YOU OWN HAS A SERIAL NUMBER
IF YOUR WARDROBE COST MORE THAN YOUR HOUSE
IF YOU THINK MASS CONFUSION MEANS FATHER'S DAY
IF THE GOLD AROUND YOUR NECK WEIGHTS MORE THAN YOU DO
IF THANKSGIVING COMES TO YOUR HOUSE AT THE FIRST OF EVERY MONTH

IF YOU ARE ON A FIRST NAME BASIS WITH WELFARE WORKERS
IF YOUR CAR SOUND SYSTEM COSTS MORE THAT YOUR CAR
IF YOUR STREET CLOTHES ARE MADE UP OF SKI MASK'S AND KNIT CAP'S
IF YOUR UNCLE IS ON DISPLAY AT THE ZOO
IF YOU BEAT UP YOUR GRANDMOTHER FOR STEALING YOUR CRACK PIPE

IF YOU WALK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND GET MUGGED BY A ROACH
IF YOU START YOUR CAR WITH A SCREWDRIVER
IF YOUR HOBBIES INCLUDE SPRAY PAINTING TRAINS
IF YOU CAN'T SPELL THE WORD "BIG" WITHOUT THE ALBUM COVER
IF THE ONLY CHANNEL YOUR T.V. GETS IS THE NAACP HAPPY HOUR
IF YOU HAVE STOCK IN COCONUT PERFUME
IF YOUR FAVORITE SONG IS THE WATERMELON CRAWL

IF YOU WERE THE MODEL FOR THE CHIA HEAD
IF A MIDGET IS TALLER THAN YOUR CAR
IF YOU ASK FOR A BELT FOR CHRISTMAS
IF YOU THINK A SALTINE CRACKER IS A WHITE MAN WALKING ON THE BEACH

IF YOUR ONLY WHITE FRIEND IS YOUR PAROLE OFFICER
IF YOUR SHOES HAVE LIGHTS BUT YOUR HOUSE DOESN'T
IF YOUR SHOES HAVE BLOOD ON THEM BECAUSE THE PERVIOUS OWNER WOULD NOT HOLD STILL
IF YOU PLAY DODGE BALL WITH STRAY BULLETS
IF YOU REFER TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND AS MY HOE
IF YOUR FIRST NAME EVEN CONFUSES HOOKED ON PHONICS
IF YOU GET HIGH BY LICKING THE GLUE OFF OF FOODSTAMPS
IF YOU TELL YOUR KIDS TO BE GOOD OR YOU'LL CALL THEIR FATHER'S
IF YOU CAN ONLY COUNT TO SEVEN BY THROWING DICE
IF YOU SAY YOU ARE AFRO-AMERICAN BUT HAVE NEVER BEEN TO AFRICA

IF YOUR SEX LIFE ENDS WHEN HER 7:OOP.M. CURFEW BEGINS
IF DON KING IS YOUR HERO
IF YOU THINK OJ IS COMPLETELY INNOCENT
IF YOU REFER TO YOUR STREET AS THE HOOD
IF EVERYONE ON YOUR STREET IS YOUR COUSIN
IF YOU SAY DENNY'S IS RACIST BUT STILL EAT THERE

IF YOU HAVE ONE PANTS LEG UP AND ONE PANTS LEG DOWN
IF CELL BLOCK B IS YOUR HOME AWAY FROM HOME
IF YOUR FAMILY STARTED IN MISSISSIPPI AROUND THE 1800'S
IF YOU HAVE A V.I.P. CARD AT KFC
IF YOU CAN'T AFFORD FOOD BUT OWN A ROLEX
IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH YOUR CLOTHES ON BUT CALL IT DANCING

IF YOUR LATE NIGHT HANGOUT IS ATM MACHINES
IF YOU CAN'T FIGHT WITHOUT THE HELP OF YOUR WHOLE FAMILY
IF YOU LOVE MALCOLM X BUT CAN ONLY SPELL HIS LAST NAME
IF YOUR CLOTHES BLEND WITH THE JUNGLE
IF YOU ARE NOT USE TO WINDOWS WITHOUT BARS
IF THE POLICE KNOW YOUR ADDRESS BY HEART
IF YOUR AUNT IS ON A BOTTLE OF PANCAKE SYRUP
IF YOUR KIDS NIGHTLIGHT IS A CROSS BURNING IN THE FRONT YARD
IF YOUR CAR IS SO LOW THAT IT GETS STUCK ON RAILROAD TRACKS
IF YOU HAVE A BEEPER BUT NO PHONE
IF YOU STAY AWAY FROM STORES THAT PROSECUTE SHOPLIFTERS
IF YOU CARRY YOUR COMB IN YOUR HAIR
IF YOUR WINTER COAT WAS USED FOR MOON WALKS
IF YOU GO TO THE ZOO TO VISIT YOUR FAMILY
IF YOU GOT INTO COLLEGE BECAUSE YOU OUT RAN EVERYONE ELSE
IF KFC HAS YOUR PHONE NUMBER
IF YOU QUIT SCHOOL SO YOU COULD PLAY MORE BASKETALL
IF YOU PLAY HIDE AND SEEK BY NOT SMILING AND CLOSING YOUR EYES

IF YOU TAKE BABY STEPS BECAUSE OF THE CHAINS ON YOUR LEGS
IF YOU WALK WITH A LIMP BUT YOUR LEG IS NOT HURT
IF YOU CAN CARRY MORE GROCERIES IN YOUR COAT THAN YOU CAN IN A SHOPPING CART

IF YOU LOOK LIKE A SUN BURNED MR.CLEAN
IF THE ONLY CHECK YOU EVER SEE IS ON YOUR SHOES
IF YOU DON'T HAVE A JOB BUT OWN A $200.00 PAIR OF SNEAKERS
IF YOU REFER TO CIGARS AS BLUNTS

IF YOU HAVE NEVER HAD A FLAT TIRE BUT KNOW HOW TO JACK A CAR
IF YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE HOUSE BECAUSE YOUR ANKLE WILL BEEP
IF YOUR FAVORITE SINGER IS NAMED AFTER A PEANUT CHARATER
IF EVERY COP IN THE STATION KNOWS YOUR FIRST NAME
IF YOU GET GREETING CARDS FOR THE L.A.P.D.

You might be a nigger if...

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